7 Lessons Learned: My Balanced Lifestyle Journey
I’ve been there.
I’ve been the extremely dedicated athlete who spent all of her free time training & meal prepping. I’ve been the unhealthy bar-hopping, “a social life is everything” girl. Each version of myself was fun at the time, or at least some of the time, but neither were sustainable. Neither made me truly happy, and neither fulfilled me.
In one, my passion took on an all-encompassing form. It ruled my life. In the other, I was lost, and I conformed to a lifestyle led by those I was surrounded by.
The truth is, both of these lifestyles came to a screeching halt eventually. All of my training and “healthy” eating that, in actuality, wasn’t enough for the amount of obsessive training I was doing, eventually led to injury after injury, to an auto-immune illness, to depression and increased anxiety, and to an unwavering feeling of “I’m not good enough.”
This brought about the second extreme lifestyle: staying up late, bar-hopping, eating like crap, caring more about what everyone else thought and not enough about my own well-being. It also led to extremely poor decisions that had the potential to negatively impact my life forever.
Each lifestyle lasted about a year to a year and a half before I received an undeniable wake-up call that would bring each to a necessary end. (I truly believe divine intervention is a real thing if you allow yourself to accept it.) However, it took me some time to get back to my roots and remember what a truly balanced lifestyle looked like.
Lessons Learned
Without going into too much detail, each extreme lifestyle led to a variety of issues and instability: physically, mentally and emotionally.
As mentioned, I battled injuries for the first time in my life. I lost a lot of weight, and I gained a lot of weight. Stress and lack of adequate nutrition led to developing an auto-immune illness and losing hair — a girl’s nightmare— resulting in many doctor visits, daily meds, and depression. This innately anxious girl began experiencing panic attacks, leading to more meds and therapy. I started drinking more and staying out late. I couldn’t control my emotions, I lost some friends, and I completely lost myself along the way.
The truth is, during each extreme lifestyle I neglected to pause and tune into what I truly wanted and needed. Each phase was the result of me trying to be someone I thought others wanted me to be. The (at times obsessively) dedicated part of my personality took this need to please to the absolute extreme each time.
When you’re trying to please others instead of focusing on yourself, you’ll never, ever be good enough. You’ll never feel fulfilled, and you’ll never be truly happy.
Flash forward to meeting Logan, moving to St. Louis, and navigating the career world, I’m happy to say I’ve found my way back. I found myself again, I honed in on what I needed, on what made me truly happy, and I honestly could not be happier at this moment in time.
It took a few blunt wake-up calls, removing myself from toxic situations and moving out of my comfort zone — a literal move to STL without knowing anyone other than Logan and without a job lined up — for me to find myself again. I tested out careers until I found one that left me feeling happy and fulfilled. Most importantly, I realized that focusing on myself and my own well-being didn’t make me a selfish person; instead, it freed me from the stress of trying to conform and trying to please others.
I learned how to enjoy all of my favorite things in balance again, without feelings of guilt or inadequacy, and without feeling like a loser because I’d rather stay home and watch movies with my bf and dog or play sand volleyball all day instead of spending a night on the town or day-drinking. Or, vice versa, without feeling like I’m not working hard enough to achieve my goals and dreams if I choose to grab margs with friends or checkout a brewery all afternoon.
SO, I’m here to tell you that it is OK to make yourself and your own desires a priority. And it is okay to enjoy life to the fullest while working toward your goals and dreams.
My Advice
It is easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. I know first hand it is much harder to stand out and do your own thing. But I’m telling you, it is SO worth it. Your happiness matters. It matters that you are doing things that fulfill you and that drive you toward your goals and dreams. It also matters that you go out with friends and enjoy all that life has to offer to the absolute fullest. Choose what makes YOU happy — not temporarily happy, but truly, deeply happy — and you’re well on your way to living a truly balanced life.
Below are a few lessons I’ve learned throughout my journey. In sharing these lessons, I hope you feel free to become your truest self & enjoy the things that fulfill you without feelings of guilt, social pressure or inadequacy, and that you do it all in balance.
What I’ve Learned Along the Way
Motivation & dedication are great… until they aren’t. Coming from someone with a somewhat obsessive personality, dedication to achieving a goal is great, but not if this dedication consumes you and keeps you from enjoying your life. Too much focus on one thing can become an issue. It can lead to stress and burnout as your mind and body only have so much capacity for one thing. When working toward a goal, I encourage you to frequently take some time to reflect on what you’re doing to achieve that goal, and determine if your actions are causing you to miss out on other joys or passions you may have. It IS possible to work toward goals and enjoy your life/vices along the way. Allow yourself to do so.
There is such a thing as “too much of one thing.” In life, when it comes to diet, the media/messages you consume, etc. Too much of one food will leave you unsatisfied and lacking essential nutrients; too much of one source of media will leave you without the whole truth; too much social media consumption will leave you with feelings of comparison. You have the ability to choose what you consume — choose wisely, and keep track or how much time/effort you’re spending on one specific thing. Conscious consumption is key here. Balance out where you direct your attention. It’ll allow you to tune into what truly fulfills you and benefits you in the long run, not just short term.
You are the company you keep. “You are the result of the 5 people you’re closest to” is SO DAMN TRUE. Take a look at who you’ve chosen to surround yourself with. Do they uplift you? Do they support you and allow you to be your true self? They don’t have to live the exact same lifestyle that you do, but you should never feel guilt or judgement from them for simply doing you. Your circle should inspire you and motivate you, and they should be individuals that you know for certain you can lean on when you need it. Spend your time building up those mutually beneficial relationships and weed out the negative influences. The quality of your friendships is so much more important than the number of friends you have. Don’t forget that.
If it doesn’t benefit you in the long run, pass on it. Temporary happiness or a temporary “high” won’t benefit you in the long run. Those many nights I chose to drink after work due to social pressure instead of going home to catch up on my studies? They were fun in the moment, but they didn’t fulfill me and they didn’t help me progress toward my goals. I was filled with regret the moment I realized how off track my studying had gotten. Think about what makes you feel fulfilled, and choose those activities, items, etc. Have you been busting your butt working toward a goal and a night out with friends is sure to fulfill you and boost your mood? Go for it! Do what YOU need to do for your own well-being and tune out the voices and opinions of others trying to pull you in different directions.
There is a difference between being selfish and self-aware. Choosing to spend time alone, to focus on your own goals or to do what makes you happy doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you mature, and it shows you value your own well-being. At times I felt selfish for choosing to workout over hanging out with friends, but I was working toward a goal and making choices that would make me happy and help me accomplish my goals in the long run. Spread your time and energies between your values as evenly as you can. Take that day to yourself, and plan a get together with friends for the next day. Do what you need to do for your own well-being (& sanity!) when you need to do it, and don’t allow yourself to feel guilty about it. You must make yourself a priority.
Self-reflection is so incredibly essential. Take some time each day to reflect on your life, your goals, how you’ve been feeling lately, etc. It may feel silly at times, but giving yourself time during the day to just think, contemplate and reflect will open up doors and possibilities you didn’t know existed. You may also find that the actions you’ve taken lately haven’t actually been fulfilling you; or, you may find that you’ve been spending too much time focusing on your goal and not enough time with loved ones, leaving you longing for family time. I’ve found the best times to reflect are on daily walks with my dog. I’ve also seen others take an hour each morning to reflect, plan and tune into themselves and their needs.
Getting outside and being active have SO many benefits. For one, both make you feel so dang good. Have you ever noticed how down and depressed you start to feel when cooped up inside for hours on end, working long hours and not working out? You begin to eat like crap, you feel lazy and lethargic, and your productivity lessens. The times when I dealt with depression were only worsened when I stayed inside and neglected to get up and workout or even step out for some fresh air. I wallowed in my mood and self-pitty. Take the time each day to get outside, get some fresh air and get some sort of activity in. It doesn’t have to be an intense or long workout every day, but do something active — a 20-30 min walk during the lunch hour, perhaps. Vitamin D from the sun and fresh air improve your mood, reduce stress, and can even boost immunity. Endorphins from working out improve your mood as well, and, of course, physical exercise is utterly important for one’s well-being — it reduces stress, improves your sleep, and so much more. Make getting outside and being active a priority in your everyday life. You won’t regret it.
Have you experienced a similar journey? What lessons have you learned over the years that help you live in balance everyday? Let me know - I’d love to hear!
xoxo, Rach